Explaining how to be successful at baseball, an old time baseball player said, “Hit ‘em where they ain’t.”
Baseball fans intuitively understand that this refers to the essence of scoring, which depends upon hitting the ball in play so that the fielders cannot catch it. The fielder’s (defensive) job is to catch the ball in time, and the hitter’s (offensive) job is to hit the ball out of the fielders’ reach (where they ain’t). This is goal orientation at it simplest.
Extrapolating this concept to success in life, it’s also true that productive goal attainment strategies involve “hitting ‘em where they ain’t.” Let’s explain the figure of speech.
The human mind and the forces of nature are often at odds with each other. We are collectively endowed with ingenuity and have individual gifts that we use to harness and sometimes “outwit” nature. But the mind tends to get distracted, frustrated, and confused, leading us to focus on obstacles rather than solutions. When that natural tendency occurs, it becomes reinforced, raising the probability that the distraction, frustration, and confusion will happen again. In other words, the connection becomes strengthened, and the desired outcome becomes negatively entangled in the very obstacles that are thus ironically working at cross-purposes with resolving the issues and attaining the objective. When this happens, critically important perspective, focus, and momentum are lost.
Negative thoughts and disgruntled emotions seem to have a magnetic attraction for each other. Each pattern reinforces the other through unintentional practice (ah, the devious schemes of nature!). But that is only part of the picture—the part that draws too much of our attention and misleads us.
When a baseball player has an extended period of playing time without getting hits, he’s in a slump. In this state, it’s hard to do things right—that is, to get base hits. When he hits the ball, it seems always to go where the fielders are, rather than where they ain’t. Naturally, the hitter becomes discouraged, and this perpetuates the rut.
This dynamic is also true of people’s performance, habits, and emotions. We slide into ruts, slumps, and extended patterns of directing our energies where they lead to frustration and negative outcomes. We double down, recharge our efforts, dig in with determination and… get more of the same poor results. Unwittingly, we focus on where they are (they referring to the obstacles, defenders, conditions that obstruct us from reaching our goals).
But success requires “hitting ‘em where they ain’t.” It’s a fundamental principle.
This axiom explains the misguided efforts of countless people trying to improve their mental state, emotional equilibrium, and achievement. Unfortunately, many of the “accepted” methods of therapeutic treatment systematically reinforce “hitting them where they are.” They focus on the wrong things.
Focusing on the correct and productive factors as opposed to those that are incorrect and counterproductive must entail making assumptions about what to do and how to get to where you want to be. If these assumptions are flawed, then most likely the results will be unsatisfactory.
Sports competitions such as baseball require a great deal of skill and practice, but success also involves strategies based upon statistics, previous experience, careful observations, some intuition, and suppositions about how to outwit the opposition.
Healing and recovery from mental and emotional predicaments also encompasses these factors. If these are incongruent with reality, the desired results become improbable. Assumptions, in particular, can undermine genuine efforts because they are often assumed without adequate evidence. This is predominantly the case in the field of mental health.
Most contemporary psychotherapies are based on selective working models, which depend upon basic assumptions.
Psychodynamic
Psychodynamic therapies comprise the “old school” model of analyzing what went wrong earlier in your life (childhood, specifically). Theoretically, when the patient becomes aware of repressed memories and feelings, gains insights about what happened, and “learns” to somehow “understand or release” those events, freedom from emotional trauma and recycled behavior patterns can occur.
This therapeutic orientation has major problems, the most salient of which is that it doesn’t work. Patients can spend years in therapy, revisiting or trying to remember painful events. Not surprisingly, this approach doesn’t provide relief because there is no sound basis supporting why it should work. Psychodynamic therapies (including psychoanalysis) reflect the interesting—but fanciful—theories of Freudian psychology.
There is simply no evidence that this type of treatment makes people better. The notion that people are relegated to repeat the past and stay stuck in earlier developmental stages without such analysis is easily dispelled by the extensively documented successes and improvements induced by pharmacological intervention, behavior modification, spiritual transformation, and the technological therapies discussed below—in contrast to the ineffectiveness of psychodynamic analysis.
Cognitive
Most contemporary psychotherapies are variants of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or cognitive behavior modification. Whereas behavior modification is a proven science based on sound empirical principles (changing stimulus conditions to elicit different responses and overt behavior patterns), cognitive behavioral therapy attempts and purports to change feelings by changing thoughts. This is backwards, like putting on your shoes and then your socks. The reason is that feelings (emotions) originate viscerally in the brain and other organs (often the gut, literally) and migrate throughout the body via the nervous system. Thoughts are part of the natural human process of interpreting, explaining, and justifying what the body is experiencing. They follow emotions, rather than cause them. Trying to discipline your alarming and out of control feelings by changing your thoughts just doesn’t work—nor should we expect it to. You don’t fix a thyroid condition by talking to or about it! Nor is there any valid reason to expect that “talking” to our thoughts will alleviate anxiety, depression, or other negative emotions on any stable, enduring basis.
Of course, thoughts and feelings are interrelated, and they often reciprocally trigger one another. But the basis of gaining control and balance so that thoughts and feeling harmonize, offset, and work with each other lies in addressing and regulating the core physiological problem.
To picture how this works, think of what happens inside you when some “jerk” cuts you off on the freeway and gesticulates in a hostile manner: you become internally agitated. Your heart races. You become stressed and angry. You’re on fight-or-flight alert, and you think all kinds of negative thoughts—automatically. It’s a natural physiological response (and one that you can reduce with training to non-provocative status). The order is: stimulus/event, physiological response, emotions, thoughts, and cognitive explanation.
Picture a person standing in front of a dark fireplace, shivering, saying, “Give me fire to warm me up, and then I’ll give you wood.”
If, at the get-go, you proceed in the wrong direction, you are reversed and will not get satisfactory results.
Biochemical
The biochemical model is the theoretical underpinning for pharmacological treatment and management of mental and emotional conditions. This model presupposes that symptoms are reflections of and caused by underlying imbalances in brain neurotransmitters. Therefore, the appropriate solution is to find the “right” chemicals to balance the brain system. In theory, this sounds like a good idea—and it may often work in the short term to relieve severe symptoms, crises, or out-of-control behavior.
But there are prices to pay: short- and long-term side effects (including organ damage, diabetes, high blood pressure, weight gain, sexual dysfunction, and many others); it can take months to find an effective (or partially effective) medication and dosage; medications often become less effective over time and many stop working; and—bottom line—psychotropic medications cannot do for the brain what the brain can do for itself through proper neurophysiological training, with enduring positive effects and without negative side effects.
Neurophysiological
Nature endowed the human brain with the ability to self-regulate—to find its own way of balancing, shifting according to changing conditions, and invoking the appropriate state to best deal with demands of differing circumstances, internally and externally. Many influences can “disregulate” the brain, leading to symptomatology and disorders.
Training the brain for fitness—improved strength, durability, and flexibility—allows us to automatically, and without conscious self-talk or problem-solving, adapt and adjust fluidly to varying needs. From that flexible adaptation flows better problem-solving, confidence, and well-being.
By training the brain with EEG neurofeedback and using Thought Field Therapy to dislodge and alleviate stuck negative emotions, you can use drug-free solutions to attain better mental fitness, brain and life balance, and a vastly improved ability to discern the “scoring targets” that move you toward better success.
As mentioned, negative emotions and symptoms draw compelling attention to themselves. Attempts to alleviate these tend to focus on the problem, rather than the solution. The baseball (or other opposition sport) slump metaphor illustrates the tendency of the defense obstacles to attract and absorb our efforts and turning us back in defeated attempts.
In mental health, this translates into focusing on the “story”—the putative explanations for the recalcitrant symptoms: the reasons why the symptoms arose (e.g., bad parenting, abusive treatment, alcoholic families, faulty thinking, etc.). The cognitive approach tries to fix the problem by redefining it, by reframing the fear or threat, by rationalizing a better situation. The biochemical (pharmacological) method reduces problems to neural insufficiency and tries to compensate by daily continuing chemical modifiers.
What these inefficient treatment methods share in common is that they miss the point, namely that focusing on what’s wrong will ultimately reinforce what’s wrong, create and strengthen rigid dependencies (rather than flexibility), and fail to address the real cause of the distress and dysfunction, which is a deficiency in physiological self-regulation that promotes adaptive flexibility in state. We are designed by nature to shift our interior state in accord with the varying conditions and requirements of changing circumstances. That is, we can adjust our internal rhythms and outward behaviors to the fluctuating conditions and demands, internally and externally. Returning once again to the focal metaphor: as the defense shifts, you must adjust your hitting. Success accrues from evading obstacles instead of crashing into them.
The mind makes up stories to justify the way the body functions and feels. The mind is like the White House press secretary, whose job it is to spin and justify the administration’s policies and actions. Your physiology is the motivating force. Your story is your mind’s fidelity and allegiance to the boss. The mind’s narrative explains and justifies the body’s conditions.
My father often intoned a wise saying: “Opinions come easily on a full stomach.” How true that our gut so often dictates how we see the world and what we think!
In mental and emotional health, the key to “hitting where they ain’t” resides in addressing the gaps between obstacles and defenses. This means aiming at improving brain self-regulation and freeing the body of energy blockages and traumatically stuck perturbations (these are the cellular “information” disturbances that constitute the fundamental cause of negative emotions). Brain training with neurofeedback restores and builds self-regulation, increased flexibility, brain stability, and the natural ability to focus and sidestep overreactions and fight-or-flight provocations.
Thought Field Therapy rapidly eliminates negative emotions and traumas. For details and methods, see my articles, books, and videos (marksteinberg.com). I am not the inventor of these effective methods, but rather an experienced practitioner. There are hundreds of professionals who utilize these techniques, and many thousands of people whose lives have been transformed through them.
You can do better than becoming dependent on harmful chemicals, mysterious and concocted theories about your past that keep you stuck, and cognitive strategies that merely distract from the physical and emotional pain, while invoking feelings of guilt and inadequacy in those who don’t succeed with these flawed methods.
I am not opposed to all talk therapy. It has its place—just not in the relief of physiologically based syndromes and disregulated states.
Talk therapy can be valuable in the following areas:
Positive attitudes and positive thoughts are desirable. Hope fills the heart and mind with energy, motivation, and resistive perseverance. I endorse these heartily. Moreover, Scripture exhorts us toward faith and pure, positive thinking:
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
(Philippians 4:8)
Make no mistake, however: “positive” thinking is not sufficient to attain and sustain brain self-regulation, stress recovery, focus, realistic problem-solving, emotional freedom, and goal attainment. You must implement viable, proven methods to change the internal physiological basis that keeps the distress and associated symptoms tenaciously in place.
In sports, you must circumvent the guardians of the adversary’s goal. The same is true in mental health and in life achievements. The defenders against you scoring your goals are the errant biological brain and nervous system habits and the misguided methods that keep you focused on changing the way you think and force-feeding your neurochemical reactions. Trying to change your physiology through consciously reframing your thoughts makes you hit ‘em with a different spin, but still you end up hitting ‘em where they are.
Perhaps you find yourself in a profound slump. You want to feel better and become more productive. Therefore, you must direct your efforts strategically at the territories that let you run free. You must unshackle your brain and nervous system, clear your energy pathways, and nurture your mind and body toward a more functional and flexible place—where your brain is able to clock along and transmit flexibly… where dietary and toxin issues have been ameliorated…where traumas break free from paralyzing encapsulation… where you’re not haunted and overwhelmed by devastating memories and physiological and emotional traumas.
If your symptoms persist, you probably ain’t been to these places bolstered by an effective healing protocol. And talking about your past, taking drugs, or reframing the problem won’t cut it, as these emphasize where the problems are and where you’ve already been.
“Hitting ‘em where they ain’t” is more than a metaphor for overcoming whatever funk may be dragging you down. It’s also a maxim for achieving goals and performing at your best when confronting life’s opportunities and challenges.
You may be familiar with the sayings, build a better mousetrap, or find a need and fill it. These are expressions that advocate “hitting ‘em where they ain’t” in the sense of addressing needs and potential economic windfalls by aiming at targets and developing solutions where holes and vacancies exist.
The adage is also apt for becoming a spiritual servant to your neighbor: do useful things for people without them having to ask. Find ways to lighten the burdens and lift the spirits of those with whom you live, consort, and work. The gifts of soliciting and sharing emotional intimacy with those in need (and who isn’t, to some extent?), making your compassion and perhaps your time known and available will place strategic “hits” in open territory where others ain’t been recently.
Regarding your own goals and desires—these may range from losing weight to sleeping better, getting better grades or promotions, being more patient with your family, and so forth: when the negative thoughts and frustrations arise, do something besides trying to overcome them with positive thoughts. Practice calming yourself and regulating your brain through the techniques mentioned (and be proactive, which means start in advance of crises). Rehearse with yourself your past successes, and pat yourself on the back (mentally) for what you’ve been able to achieve, what you’ve learned from mistakes, and how you’ve been able to course correct over time. This is called self-reinforcement (in this case, reinforcement of productive, flexible, goal-oriented behaviors). By making this a way of life, you will volitionally program your brain to find the holes in the field that you must target to locate and move on paths toward your goals. As you practice, it will become easier and more intuitive. The more you put some wood on the ball and “hit ‘em where they ain’t,” the stronger your confidence will be and the more productive hits you will score.
Everybody has slumps. Direct your faith and focus to where they ain’t.
The strategy herein described helps in ways other than scoring direct accomplishments. Oftentimes, life throws curves at us. We receive (or perceive) threats, allegations and accusations, and have to cope with difficult or unpleasant people. Finding the nexus of undefended territory can help you escape or minimize potentially damaging situations.
When I have to deal with “toxic” people—those who cannot be satisfied and/or seem determined to make me wrong, blame or punish me no matter what I do to placate them—I try to cut my losses by exiting the relationship. Thus, I might use a strategy of agreeing with the blamer/hater, or giving that person more than is required just to make the person go away. Sometimes the sacrifice of over generosity or accepting undeserved blame or responsibility is worth it (and a more economical solution) in order to avoid anticipated further trouble.
Even in the absence of overt threat or present danger, it can be wise to hit where they ain’t. Success grows as you develop resourcefulness in avoiding accidents or unnecessary (and predictable) conflict. As my father also used to say (about traffic collisions): “If it’s a tie, you lose.” Good advice for driving and maneuvering through life’s land mines.
Here’s one of my favorite stories that illustrates the savvy of “hitting ‘em where they ain’t:”
A sly fellow is fishing off-season and without a permit. Suddenly, a game warden appears and points to the man’s basket of fish. The warden asks, “Do you have a permit to catch those fish?”
“Why, no sir,” the man answers, “but these are my pet fish.”
“Pet fish?” smirks the warden. “How’s that?”
“Well, every day, I take my pet fish to the lake for some exercise. I let them swim for half an hour, and then I whistle and they all come back and jump in this basket and we all go home.”
“That’s a crock of lies,” exclaims the warden.
“Here, I’ll show you,” says the man, as he dumps the basket of fish in the lake.
“This I have to see,” chuckles the warden.
After fifteen minutes, the warden says, “Well, where are your pet fish?”
The man looks at his empty basket and says, “What fish?”
— Mark Steinberg, Ph.D.
