It’s generally accepted that courage and confidence are attributes that most people desire. Some believe that they are limited by whatever measures of these they have, while others actively try to build these qualities.
What constitutes courage and confidence, and how can you attain more of each?
Courage is the choice and willingness to confront fear, anxiety, agony, pain, danger, uncertainty, or intimidation and to act or withstand despite negative conditions or emotions.
We may hear of courageous acts in battles or emergency rescues, events usually far from our personal experience. We may also hear about ordinary individuals’ courage in the face of challenging environmental odds (poverty, racism and discrimination, etc.). Such reports can strike chords of admiration, envy, or even identification and inspiration. Perhaps you are a person who has staunchly faced adversity and overcome the odds stacked against you. I would not know the details, but still admire and applaud you.
Regardless of unusual heroism or bravery, it takes courage to deal with the adversity that life doles out. Each of us has inner demons, traumas, disadvantages, weaknesses, and misfortunes. It takes courage to face them, deal with them, and tolerate the fear and pain when they are far from vanquished.
Confidence is the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something, that a person or an outcome can be trusted. I have a special definition of confidence:
Confidence is the habit of expecting favor from life’s ordinary opportunities and of practicing greatness in the face of seeming insignificance. (See my extended discussion of confidence, modesty, and humility in Living Intact: Challenge and Choice in Tough Times.)
When you are confident, you expect favor (that things will go your way), and this is based on past experiences. There is a meaning of confidence that applies to mathematics and statistics—that is the degree of certainty of an event, score, or outcome, based on statistical principles and formulas.
I favor numbers, so I’m partial to statistical probabilities. This science is helpful for many practical day-to-day predictions and interpretations about the behavior of oneself and others. In plain language, the repeated occurrence of outcomes lends confidence that such results are likely to occur again. If a basketball player has a 90% free throw rate, then he (and other players) can be confident that his shots will likely score. If you have pleasant or successful experiences with someone in a business or social interaction, you’re likely to anticipate more of the same in future encounters.
Conversely, if you score poorly on tests or competitions, or perform poorly during interviews, you’re less likely to be confident of such future outcomes, even if you think you are worthy. Obviously, the accumulation of favorable and unfavorable outcomes compiles to affect self-confidence and self-esteem over extended time periods or repeated experiences.
Desiring courage and confidence is common to all. Thus, the ideas discussed here apply to everyone. For those in crisis or with wavering fortitude, the deficits in courage and confidence may drive them to seek professional assistance.
The relationship between courage (the fortitude to face fear and adversity) and confidence (the belief and expectation of favorable outcomes) comes to the fore when people seek treatment from a therapist.
When people seek my help as a doctor, they express the desire to fix or relieve some distress. Sometimes, the focal symptoms are clear and concise, as in trouble sleeping, anxiety, panic, depression, pain, memory, or concentration. Some patients may have trouble articulating what the problem is, but they nonetheless know something is amiss within them.
Even when they reveal their distressing symptoms, patients often describe, with some perplexity, the varying intensity and onset of symptoms and the troubling lack of reason or explanation for the intractability of their symptoms. Sufferers just want the symptoms to go away.
Occasionally, patients will seek help with more general desires for life improvements: enhanced relationships, better performance, or more self-esteem and confidence. The targets for improvement may be specific (e.g., better test or golf scores) or global (e.g., “I just want to be happier and like myself better”). Whatever the degree of communication, it is my professional job as a therapist to help each patient identify specific outcomes and formulate a plan for reaching them and knowing the markers for progress and achievement.
There is overlap, of course, between symptomatic afflictions and the attainment of more generalized desired outcomes. If you are sleeping poorly or becoming easily frustrated or agitated, then naturally your productivity, effectiveness, and peace will be compromised.
Patients seeking treatment are preoccupied with reducing or eliminating the distress. They may describe their goals as “feeling less anxious” in certain situations, “not tossing and turning for hours when trying to sleep,” or “getting cooperation” from someone.
Courage and confidence play roles in therapeutic outcomes. Identifying and highlighting personal courage facing internal problems and developing confidence in one’s own ability to see favorable outcomes is a microcosm of expanding these life skills.
For most people seeking therapy, taking the initiative and coming forward with their anguish is a major step. Besides being afraid, they are anxious and self-conscious about admitting their distress to an outside party. Once they do confide, an accepting and validating therapist can make them feel safer and confirm the reality of their “hidden” problem.
Pressing on in life, seeking help, and persevering despite emotional obstacles takes courage. Paradoxically, it’s not the kind of courage that’s typically recognized, as in acts of valor. Yet, struggling with anxiety, depression, poor sleep, confusion, anger, irritation, and the litany of internal difficulties requires courage. Grappling with inner demons and irritants demands bravery. When you cannot or will not run away, you must face pain, adversity, and often the unknown with whatever resources and determination you have. This struggle is usually an unrecognized and unappreciated demonstration of courage.
Does it sound strange or indulgent to characterize dealing with psychological or physiological symptoms as courageous? We are more likely to deem facing cancer as brave than we are to affirm this attribute to anxiety, insomnia, or chronic pain. The value of seeing emotional and neurophysiological struggles as valorous is that it places coping and determination in the context of a more positive self-image that can be reinforced for strength and confidence. Facing adversity (even if you can’t escape it and it comes from within) does require fortitude. Even as it may wear you down, the battle builds a reservoir of ability to “keep on” though relief may be insufficient and the end unseen.
Social contexts that can offend or intimidate also call for courage. The outward response may not necessarily be aggressive or obvious, but the internal strength to maintain integrity is significant. Bullying, mocking, racial antagonism, and situations that evoke social anxiety prompt episodes of inner courage to get by, withstand, and survive.
How does courage relate to confidence?
When you view yourself as summoning courage to deal with with emotional ailments, you’ll be more likely to see your responses and coping efforts as worthy and capable. There is a competence inherent in courage regardless of the outcome of particular events. Experiencing yourself as courageous in the face of adversity promotes self-reinforcement, whereby you credit and praise yourself for trying, counteracting, putting up with and tolerating your adverse situation. You can recognize courage by allowing that you survived another episode, another crisis, another day. Cumulatively, the acts of coping build confidence that you will continue to survive, perhaps even thrive eventually despite the onslaught of challenges. Being afraid does not necessarily translate to living afraid. Your habit of pushing through builds confidence that you can continue to do so.
Remember: confidence is the habit of expecting favor from life’s ordinary opportunities and of practicing greatness in the face of seeming insignificance. Emotional challenges, overwhelm, and pain feel monumental—yet, they are ordinary in the scheme of things. Though the adversity may continue and the negative feelings not diminish, the favor and greatness lie in your repeated courage in facing them!
As you accumulate experience in facing and overcoming adversity (even intermittently or partially), you build confidence in your ability to weather such events and issues as the future unfolds. You praise and support yourself by highlighting your persistence and courage in facing daunting situations and vexing feelings. The “greatness” you practice lies in your perseverance in enduring and aspiring to prevail and thrive. Ordinary and common, perhaps, but no less magnificent and worthy of recognition. Though you may not always feel good, continuing the practice of courage and confidence provides evidence that indeed you are good.
You may not be a publicly acclaimed hero, but your courage in self-control and endurance builds confidence truly earned.
— Mark Steinberg, PhD
