What do you really want?
For decades, I’ve asked this question in many ways, using different language in different situations. In my professional role as a veteran clinical and neuropsychologist, I ask, “What do youreally want?” as a natural part of interviewing and establishing a working alliance with patients. It may be a familiar refrain of your own self-inquiry and explorations in your world.
Though individuals vary in their desires and aspirations, there is a commonality of core wants that transcends cultural differences and typifies people in “bottom line” striving, goals, hopes, and motivations.
In a nutshell, here’s what I’ve found that people want:
In my view, it boils down to this:
People want to be in control of themselves, their power and effectiveness in the world, and their ability to get ahead in their business and personal lives.
For some, it may be losing weight, prevailing in a competition, or conquering anxiety. For others, getting a degree, a coveted job, or a promotion may be paramount. The particulars vary, of course, but the commonality is that we all want more—success, achievement, money, autonomy—control over ourselves and what happens to us as we move along in life.
To help people get what they want, I published a book entitled Life Control: Take Charge and Get Ahead (Brightjoy Press, 2023). In this book, I explain and describe in detail the seven principles you need to gain better control over your life. These principles are not just abstract concepts (although you will need to use your best smarts to fully appreciate them). They are scientific and practical truths about how the world, habits, and people operate.
Life Control involves seven core principles.
Let’s start by explaining the first of these important principles.
You may be surprised to learn how the phenomenon of frequency influences your perception and shapes your behavior. In common terms, frequency is defined as the rate of recurrence of an event.It is intrinsically linked to the concept of time, which is used as a measurement tool in much the same way that the scale is used as a measurement of weight loss or gain when you’re on a diet and the thermometer is used as a measurement of temperature when you are sick. Another illustration of this basic interrelationship would be the fact that Wednesday occurs once every seven days. If you put your mind to it, you could come up with countless other mundane (or esoteric) examples that link the phenomena of frequency and time. If you develop a urinary tract infection and must go to the bathroom frequently, your urges could be measured in minutes or hours (and might be compared over time periods with your rate of going previously). If your relatives visit too frequently, this might be assessed in weeks or months (with the too modifier being subjective, of course).
Frequency is a measure of how often something happens. The lapses in time between occurrences are called intervals. These intervals can be fixed (as in the time between Wednesdays) or variable (as in the time between when blue cars drive under a given overpass on a freeway).
Understanding frequency and recognizing how it influences your habits and choices will play a major role in your taking charge of what happens in your life. It is one of the key principles in developing control of yourself and the conscious direction of your behaviors and the responses of others.
In physical science, we measure frequency by the number of waveforms that occur within one second. So, 60 cycles per second means that 60 complete sinusoidal curve waveforms occur within a one-second period. The measurement of such cycles assumes that they are fixed—that is, a 60-cycle rhythm will have 60 repetitions of the waveform each and every second. This definition notwithstanding, frequencies can vary in sequence. In other words, you can have a 60-cycle second followed by several 23-cycle seconds, followed by interspersed cycles of 9-cycle and 14-cycle seconds, and so forth.In fact, this is evident in the patterns of nature and our universe. Our solar system has cycles that determine the length of daylight, the different seasons, etc. Within and between those fixed cycles (days, years, winter, summer), we can have varying occurrences of light, heat, rain, etc.
Within our bodies, we have electrical rhythms (brainwaves, or EEG frequencies) that occur in cycles and that vary according to biological processes and interactions we have with the world around us. Every person has mixtures of EEG frequencies, and these frequencies (patterns) are associated with types of activities. EEG frequencies in the 1-3 Hz range (one to three cycles per second), for instance, are associated with drowsiness and sleep. EEG frequencies in the 15-18 HZ range are associated with alertness, cognitive processing, and problem solving. EEG frequencies above 40 Hz are usually tied to accelerated motor activity. There is a broad spectrum of EEG frequencies in our brains that correlates with our activities interacting with the world and in managing our internal affairs—the “housekeeping” functions of self-regulation, regeneration and healing, and even the manifestations of genetic attributes over decades of development. Recent evidence suggests that “infra low” EEG frequencies as low as .0001 Hz play a fundamental role in the normalization of central nervous system control (affecting the “fight-or-flight” response) and the degree to which each of us feels secure, safe, and able to trust ourselves and others.
Physiologically and psychologically, there are feedback loops between the “state of body” and the “state of mind.” When your brain mechanisms (EEG, neurotransmitters, hemispheric communication activity) are in a certain “state,” you will be relaxed or edgy or perhaps in fight-or-flight mode.Interestingly, these physiological states are highly correlated with and predictive of how you “feel” and also of the types and speeds of thought processes you have while in particular states.
It’s fascinating that the continuing progress in neuroscience is confirming and recapitulating much ancient wisdom and practicality regarding the intimate relationships between mind and body, and is providing useful tools to enhance our ability to influence and control both body and mind. Brain imaging and EEG neurofeedback (brainwave training) are among the cutting-edge technologies that allow us to witness and modify how our physiology affects our perceptions and motivations and vice-versa. By modifying and better organizing frequencies within our bodies, we can influence and determine how we feel and how we act with surprisingly improved precision, variation and control.
The common usage of the term frequency carries implied subjectivity and value orientation. If I like to frequent a certain restaurant, it means I go there a lot. It rains frequently in Seattle, but not as much as in some other places. My mother used to frequently interrupt me. The speaker at the conference cleared his throat with annoying frequency. These are examples of occurrences that may cause a person to take notice and have a subjective reaction.
Our perceptual responses to frequency—that is, taking note when events occur within time constraints that get our attention—are clues that timing really matters in our awareness and responses. But that is only the tip of the iceberg. What underpins frequency are the timing mechanisms that allow us to observe and increasingly take charge of relationships between cause and effect, and steer outcomes in the directions we desire.
Although we might not regularly think in mathematical or scientific terms, we often want to change the frequency of events in our lives. You might want your favorite team to win more often; you may wish your boss or your spouse praised you more frequently; you might want to reduce the frequency of (time between) television commercials. Or, you might want to have sex more often. Each of these examples reflects the desired manipulation of timing mechanisms—specifically, the alteration of frequencies.
Frequency is a function of time. Its measurement can be fixed or variable. The observation and evaluation of frequency patterns can be objective, subjective, or both. The important point is that frequency affects our thoughts, feelings, responses, and behavior patterns. Frequencies are dimensions of the timing mechanisms that determine how the world behaves and how we behave within it.
The phenomenon of frequency is a powerful principle that allows you to observe, modify, and take charge of what happens within and around you. Consider, then, using frequency data as a scientific aid to becoming more accurate, efficient, and powerful in your exercise of control and leadership over people and events in your life that may, all too “frequently,” challenge and even dumbfound your capacity to get the results for which you strive.
You can greatly improve the control you exert over circumstances in your life when you become proficient at understanding the impact of frequency on behaviors and using the principles of frequency and timing to schedule and modify the occurrences of events in which you have influence.
Whether it involves losing weight, getting your kids to do homework or chores, or becoming a better athlete, student, artist, or employer—the strategic and skillful use of frequency will increase your production of desired outcomes.
We are creatures of habit. The formation of habits occurs through reinforcement. This principle of reinforcement denotes the strengthening or encouragement of behaviors contingent upon consequences that raise the likelihood that those behaviors will reoccur. We say that a behavior (noticeable or otherwise) has been reinforced when it maintains or increases in frequency, intensity, or duration.
Reinforcement is the behavioral force that controls what we repeat. However, the conditioning process (repeated reinforcement) that shapes behaviors is a two-way street: you can intentionally repeat specific behaviors with the goal of reinforcing them and forming desirable habits—productive behaviors that become automatic.
Habits require practice—and practice occurs through repetition, or increased frequency.
Many undesirable habits are inadvertently reinforced (thereby strengthened) because they occur frequently and garner attention. Think of the disruptive child who elicits attention by constantly misbehaving. This is a classic example of behavior occurring often enough to sustain a robust and hard-to-break behavior.In this case, heightened frequency becomes a disadvantage.
Conversely, you can use increased frequency to build habits that work for you: habits that help you take charge of your own self-management and steer you toward better discipline and achievement. Practicing adaptive behaviors will often also increase your chances of controlling outcomes involving competitive situations and difficult people.
Work, exercise, hobbies, and relationships all require the conscious management of behavioral frequencies to succeed. You must not only practice, but you must also manage the timing of your practice to improve and maximize effectiveness.
Frequencies are instrumental in the strengthening of habits and in the excitation and inhibition of brain function and control over nervous system response. Our biological rhythms are composed of frequencies. Therefore, we gain advantage by becoming aware of these timing mechanism and exercising flexibility in shifting among them. A great way to gain access to frequency awareness at an instinctual level is to train your brain using EEG neurofeedback. This training allows your brain to “see” its internal neural activity and to make adjustments to be more flexible and functional. During this training, you are actually monitoring and modifying EEG frequencies.
There are, of course, other ways to monitor and adjust frequency in your behavior and in your environment. From praising family members and associates to minimizing indulgence in counterproductive behaviors—there are many conscious and strategic intercessions you can make to take better charge of getting the results you want.
Succeeding articles will describe other Life Control Principles and how to use them to take charge and get ahead.
If you would like to know more about how Life Control Principles can help you get on top of things and achieve your goals, please contact me.
(408) 356-1002 mark@marksteinberg.com
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— Mark Steinberg, PhD
